a picture for your thoughts

I know this is a strange photo.

Do you ever have moments you just don't want to forget?  I have them often and I can't always remember them all, but I try.  I try to stick them somewhere in this busy momma brain so I won't forget.

One memory I will never forget:  Gary, Layla and I moved into our house in Haslet.  We just closed and signed paperwork on our house.  Our very first home purchase.  We watched it being built.  I was sitting in the hallway on the fresh brand new carpet.  Gary was in the playroom that eventually turned to Layla's bedroom.  It was right next door to what was eventually Hayden's room before he was even born.  Dang, that was a mouthful.  I remember like it was yesterday.  I can still see Gary's back.  In shorts of course, because that is Gary.  He was measuring windows for blinds.  I prayed at that moment for Layla, for our family to be and I asked God to bless that house and all who stepped foot into it.  What wonderful memories we made there, but also what hurt we endured there too.  Life isn't perfect, but I will always remember that moment like it was yesterday.  I was a good memory very similar to this picture.

In the above photo Layla is letting me blow dry her hair.  Have you ever wondered when would be the last time you would blow dry your childs hair?  Layla is 11. She is going to middle school next year and she will be able to do her own hair.  I'll cherish every brush stroke, every single time she lets me blow dry her hair.  I don't want it to be the last time.  I'll always remember this moment just like sitting on the carpet of our new house.

Also in the picture I see her lotions.  She loves smelly lotions.  Lotions I never used until high school, but she loves them and saves her money to buy fun lotions.  That's Layla.  I see her cute outfit.  She carefully picked it out to attend a birthday party with friends.  I see her royal blue shirt.  The one that makes her eyes pop!

I see the pink bathroom in this silly little awful rent house.  I will certainly never forget this moment in this bathroom.  I'm thankful for his house, but at the same time I can't stand it.  This house helped us move back to Texas, so while I don't like it, I love it.  I'll always remember the pink bathroom.  The first thing Hayden did in this pink bathroom the day we moved in was barf on the carpet.  Yes, I said carpet in the bathroom.  Who does that?? Who puts carpet in the bathroom?  

Since I mentioned Hayden.  In this picture, I see his water, his lotions and his soap.  He can't take a shower in the local water.  He's allergic to it, so we sponge bathe him with bottled water.  When I look at this picture I see and will never forget this stage of our life.  This chapter in Hayden's life and the way having eczema has affected our entire family.  I will always remember.  We are stronger because if it!

I encourage you to stop and look at a picture now and again. When you do, really look and devour every single detail. Stop and think back to a time in the past you remember.  Think about a good time, or a bad time.  Think about how you learned and how it made you grow.  Every single moment, good or bad shapes our lives and our character.  I will cherish the moment I was blow drying Layla's hair.  I'll remember the little moments, just like I did sitting on the carpet in our first home.

thoughts about growing into 40

I'm 8 days from turning 40 y'all.  

The big 40!  

I'm so excited about it.  I'll never get tired of birthdays.  I love birthdays and will always love birthdays and my hope is that I pass my love of celebrating life on to the kiddos.  It's a big deal no matter what age we are turning.

I'm not sad or upset about turning 40.  I feel like I've grown into myself, finally.  I'm so thankful for all the years I've had and for how much I have grown up even more since adulthood.  I still feel like a kid half the time, and in the past 5 or so years I've learned to act more like an adult.  I've learned how to cope with the way I am treated by other people.  I've learned that when people are mean it is all about them, not about me.  That is a huge development for me because I am the worlds biggest peace- maker and after trying to make peace for years and years and years I have realized I can't make everyone happy.  I know I know, even though I've known I still try.  Insanity right??!?!

I can't make everyone happy and the only person I can make happy is myself.  I'm putting on my big girl pants to say, this is the lesson I wish to pass on to my kids. 

We can't control they way people treat us, but we can control how they make us feel.  If we don't like the way we feel then take a leap away.   We all wanna feel good about ourselves!

The kids have had lots of 'feels' making friends in various schools the last few years.  They have both had random encounters with all sorts of kids.  Kids that say mean things.  Kids that have sad home lives and it runs over into school life.  (in those cases i teach the kids about grace)  Kids that show off and make bad choices.  And I'll be the first to say my kids aren't perfect.  I'm trying to teach the babies about how to deal with all types of people and BAM...I need to do the same thing in adult life.   Adults say mean things too and sometimes those words sting 90 times worse than kid words.  Sadly, adults should know better.

We all want to belong and feel part of a group. Even as adults it is an awesome feeling to make friends and feel part of something. We want to be included and accepted.  Is it possible to feel included yet talked down to and belittled?  Can you suddenly find yourself part of the wrong goup?  Being included at the cost of feeling down on yourself isn't worth it and that goes for kids and adults.    

How about an example or two...

Layla is great at nicely distancing herself from 'mean' girls.  She makes friends easily and in our moving adventures she thought she had some besties, and then slowly learned they were not who she once thought.  She can pick up on the meanies and skeedaddle!   I have learned so much from helping and watching her and we are growing together.  As a 5th grader she is great at standing back and watching and trying to decide which group to hang with, and I think her home life helps with that.  She knows she is always safe here.  This is a place in which she can pour out her feelings. She can get advice and I pray she will always feel comfortable coming to Gary and I and talking.  Gary and I want to be that example for her.

Hayden is a guy in 2nd grade and thankfully he hasn't had too many issues.   He once had little guy push him down a few times, serveral days in a row on the playground on purpose.  He came home and asked what he should do.  He also encountered a boy on the bus who didn't understand personal space.  He responded "personal space dude!" and the boy completely got it and left him alone.  Mostly with guys it's all about kicking the soccer ball, throwing a ball and/or running fast.  Hayden has had a few sandpaper people to deal with, but he just wears his 'fast' running shoes and they leave him alone.  ;-) 

The year of 40 is going to be huge for me.  I've been training for this my whole life and I am ready to hung up my peace-maker hat.  I'm living and loving and growing for me.  I'm ready to surround myself with all the positive people in my life that lift me up.    Parenting and aging has made me wiser and MUCH happier.  I hear adults say all the time how hard it is to make friends as an adult.  I think maybe it isn't hard.  I think we are too picky yet not picky enough.  I think we should try harder and be more accepting of each other.  I think we just be ourselves and attract like people.  Dig deep inside and use the filter God gave us.   Treat people the way we want to be treated.  Listen and learn and realize friends can be a friends without pressure.  We can learn something from every single person we come in contact with, soft or sandpaper.

I have a built in best friend

I've met so many people in the last 4 years traveling from Texas to Ohio to Georgia and back to Texas.  I have also 'met' people via this blog and other forms of social media. God Bless social media and the way people vent publicly about marriage. Ouchie.  I sometimes feel extremely shocked by the way people treat their spouses.  The lack of respect, the insecurities, and putting the kids first.  You may disagree and that is fine, but in my opinion the marriage should come first and then the children.

Let me start by saying my marriage is not perfect. We have had bumps in the road, um hello we have moved more times in 4 years than I can stand to admit. Packing and moving will strengthen a marriage y'all!  I am not perfect and Gary is not perfect.  There IS no perfect person in this universe.  The way we are together is perfect for us and our situation.  He is a reflection of the way I treat him and I am a reflection of the way he treats me.  I believe that people see us together and think we come together quite nicely.  Our kids see this too because we act the same way at home as we do when we are out with friends and family.

We were friends first and we still are friends.  I would do anything for him and I know he would do anything for me.  It takes work.  It's hard and from what I've noticed some people don't want to put in that kind of work.  It is crazy to me how hard people work at their job and bettering their career, but they don't take the time to get to know their spouse as their best friend.  Mommas work so hard trying to become the perfect mom, but don't take the time to be the perfect wife.  Sadly, the kids leave and then that momma is stuck at home with a man she doesn't know at age 52.  A friend once told me she'd hang in there until the kids graduated from high school and then she'd be gone.  Well, that is another 10 years.  Imagine how wonderful her marriage would be if she started working now and then in 10 years she wouldn't have to leave to find another man to find out he isn't perfect either.

I love that I have a built in best friend.  We don't always see eye to eye.  We have different views on lots of things.  We get into heated discussions.  Our kids hear us sometimes and we let them listen in to some of our conversations.  They know we disagree at times and by listening to us they understand that marriage isn't perfect but we all learn how to communicate.  We learn to compromise.  We learn to be respectful and gracious.

I try to keep Just Shy of a Y a happy place.  It is a place for family fun, food and memories.  That being said, I don't want my kids to think life is all roses and rainbows, but I want them to know that their mom and dad work to build a solid foundation.  We work to be a good example of what marriage should look like. In every area of life our kids watch us.  They mimic us.  I want our babies to know what marriage is about and how it should work.  Mostly I want Layla to know how she should be treated and I want Hayden to know how to treat his future wife.  As parents we want them to have a best friend to grow old with some day.  

"Always strive to give your spouse the very best of yourself; not whats left over after you have given your best to everyone else."  found on pint-er-est.

two girls learning and growing

It seems like just yesterday I was sitting on the carpeted floor with chubby thighed Layla watching her lay there and kick and coo.  She didn't want to crawl or roll over to her tummy.  Why would she want to do that?  Her momma did everything for her.  If there was a pink plastic toy out of her reach I would just hand it to her.  What was I thinking?

  I think as moms we want to make life easier for our children in the moment.  I wanted to hand her that pink horse rattle or her Ellie the elephant so she didn't have to struggle.  

Clearly, she is fine and me babying her didn't hurt her, but looking back I should have let her do more for herself.  How do you tell a new hard headed mom that?

And just like that, way too fast she turned three.  I still helped her, but then I was half way starting to get it.  I knew she needed to do things on her own to grow and become independent.  In my eyes she was 3 years old for many years.  When she was 4, she was still 3.  When she was 5 she still seemed 3 to me.  When she turned 6 I had an awakening.  She had a little mind of her own, as she always had, but I didn't want her to change.  She was so smart and had the cutest personality. She was reading and learning math facts.  I had to stop babying her and let her grow.  She met friends in kindergarten and wanted to have playdates.  What?  She was still three.  Kids don't do that at that age, I didn't want to let her go and grow.  But she was 6 and very social and super cute.  She needed that! 

No one tells you that about parenting.  I wish someone would shake me sometimes and MAKE me stop what I'm doing and look down into my life as if I'm looking into a snow globe.   You know what?  Now she isn't 3 or 6, she is 9!  How in the world is she 9 years old?  And she'll be 10 in July.  I read in a beauty pageant packet advertisement that was mailed to our home that 10 years old is considered pre-teen. 

 Excuse me?

She's washing her own hair.  She's painting her own nails even if it looks all crazy.  She can scramble eggs and make a mean bowl of mac n cheese.  I have to step away from my perfectionist mind set and let her become the amazing little girl she is ment to be. Gary and I had to let her fall off her bike to learn to ride it.  I now have to let her try to blow dry her hair even when she gets mad and begs me to do it for her.  "Please mom, you do it better.  I don't know how!!"  I can remind her to wash her face and brush her hair, but she has to do it.  I have to be quiet during homework so she can solve the problems on her own without me doing it for her.  She gets mad at me when I make her do her own stuff sometimes.  I get that awful mommy guilt that us moms feel when we least expect it.  I know deep down she isn't 3 anymore and I must let her grow and make mistakes.  After all, isn't that how we learn the best lessons?  

All this to say,  I have learned so much through having Layla and Hayden . A little girl and a little boy, each one growing and learning their own way.  No one tells you how to parent or what you'll feel.  I'm learning how to stop and step back to make sure I'm helping and letting their brains make decisions and choices that in the end help them grab their dreams and run with them. 

What have you learned about yourself after becoming a parent?

LK's thoughts on moving

Layla got to stay up a little later tonight since it's the weekend.  She is so sweet and I just love the little lady she is becoming.  

First I just want to say we have been very open and honest with our kids about our upcoming move.  We never sheltered them and we have always made them feel like they were part of the family when it comes to moving.  

While watching the Disney channel tonight we started talking about moving because they were talking about moving.  She said almost exactly what I feel.  She said, "Mom, I'm not really sad about moving.  I'm sad when I think about leaving my friends, but I make friends so easily I know I'll be fine."  It's like she jumped into my brain and said what I feel.  I feel like I have done my job as a parent after hearing her say this.  I know moving is hard and can be scary, but I also know that having confidence is so important as a child.  I think she is going to be just fine.  I feel like Gary and I have done the right things so far to make her comfortable with the idea of moving.  Hayden is just so young, I know he will do great.

I know we haven't left yet and we have lots of goodbyes to say.  Hopefully she will continue to feel this way in the weeks to come.  I think we will all adjust just fine to our move.  The internet has made it so easy to keep up with our friends and family.  

I'm thankful for this blog so Layla and Hayden can look back someday on this move.  I know for sure that Layla will enjoy looking back though blog pictures and pictures on my Picasa account.  I have hundreds of pictures for years and years.  We love looking back and seeing our memories on a slide show.  Hopefully my addiction to taking pictures will help us through times when we are missing Texas and our friends and family,

Thoughts on Thursday

I'm just gonna send a shout out to all the single parents I know.  I think you are amazing and wonderful.  I barely have time to breathe lately.  I don't get to play around with my twitter friends as often as I used to.  Facebook...what is that?  I am freaking out internally because my iCloud photo feed isn't working, but I just don't have time to fix it.  It is making me all kinds of nervous because the pictures I am taking aren't getting stored onto my online storage account.  Really, in the grand scheme of things it is not a big deal, but if Gary were home I'd get that extra hour to concentrate on fixing it.

Layla's homework reading tonight was a cute book about dinosaurs.  Tonight after she finished reading she was so proud when she realized she read 64 pages.  I love listening to her read.  I can't believe I have a child old enough to read.  I know it's cheesy, but really they do grow so fast!

Evenings after the kids got to bed I have such high hopes for blogging and looking at twitter and pinterest.  Whoooaaa!  I'm so dang dog tired.  I just want to go to bed!  I can't wait for Gary to get home so we can split the chores again.  I was spoiled by a man who cooked, cleaned and we split the homework and reading duties for the night.  Doing it all is awesomely exhausting.  

This little dude is so funny!  He only changed clothes 4 times today.  Usually he changes into at least 10 different outfits a day, but we went out today.  We had lunch with friends and then played at the park.  Thankfully that saved me a few outfit changes.   Did I tell you we cut the fingers off an old mitten?  It is his rock n roll glove.  He thinks he is the coolest kid ever when he wears that thing. 

I am so tired of keeping this house spic 'n span.   I hope that doesn't sound gross, but I am a perfectionist. If I'm gonna show my house to a potential buyer I want this place to be spotless.  Honestly though I think my kids are going insane.  Don't get me wrong, we always clean up their rooms and playrooms at the end of the day everyday. That hasn't changed, but I think the kids are irritated when they can't leave puzzles out.  They can't leave the Lego world they are building out on the playroom floor.  Well, you know what?!?  I am done with being such a stickler for toys out.  I'm making myself and my kids nuts.  If this house is not selling it isn't because Legos and books are lying around.  

I just want everything to be perfect, but I am making the house clean even when there isn't a showing.  I have finally looked at things right now from a different view.  I realized...sometimes I get so into life that I forget to look at the big picture.  I want to control everything, but I can't.  I don't want my kids to look back at the time before we moved to Ohio and remember how crazy I was.  Make sense?  They will just remember I was going nuts over here.  So,  I'm over it.  I'm stepping off the house cleaning warden soapbox.  The house will be just fine!

I'm not sure why, but suddenly I realized I was making myself crazy with worry over every little detail of this move.  When will the house sell?  What day will we call the mover?  What day will Layla start her new school?  What house will we rent?  Will we have to rent this house?  Where will we be for Halloween   I just spend weeks worrying about things out of my control and then something snapped.  I feel like I've been acting like a doofus, but the wake up call is just what I needed.  Every little thing is gonna be alright!

And now I am going to watch Grey's Anatomy!

my 2 cents for today