Sunday, September 16, 2012

a jumbled mess of emotions

This is one of those times where your fingers dance on the keyboard solely for emotional benefit. I am so conflicted tonight.  We had a wonderful weekend as a family.  We ate and drank and played and had the best time.  I loved every precious second.....BUT all the fun doesn't change our current situation.  Our situation is.... tough.

The kids and I are going from seeing Gary every single day, 24-7 to seeing him whenever we can.  He is back n forth between here and Ohio.  I know our situation could be much worse, but this is quite the adjustment for our little family.  Gary and I are best friends and Gary is a very active father.  He is an amazing dad and is always helping me with chores and parenting these babes of ours.  Going from him working from home to being gone is a shock.  The kids hadn't seen their dad in 3 weeks.  3 long weeks y'all.

Our house is on the market.  It has been listed on MLS for about 46 days.  We have had about 5 showings.  There are several other houses on our street for sale.  Not a lot is going on in the home selling department around here in my opinion.  So, do we wait it out?  I don't think I can.  I want to be with Gary.  The kids want to be with Gary.  It is so sad to see the kids faces when they see him leave again.  It breaks my heart.  I know this is temporary and I keep trying justify my feelings.  I'm weird like that.  But dang, my feelings are my feelings and right now I can't change how I feel.

My feelings say forget this.  We live in a house.  It is just a house.  My thoughts are flowing like gasoline into an overflowing tank.  One minute I want to change realtors.  Maybe get someone with a little more fire....someone who wants to sell this house.  My next thought is to drop the price.  My next thought is to rent this bad boy.  What is the world?  I know that going through life's challenges makes you stronger, but right now I'm just grasping for clarity.  What in the world do we do??  And I'm not expecting you guys to answer these questions.  You just get to see the mess that my emotional fingers are typing.

I'm not one for usually putting all this out there.  It's not that I mind having my feelings all over the WWW, but I do.  I clearly just needed to vent and type and hope that soon I will have a clearer mind.  I have prayed for a sign from God.  I don't have a clear sign yet.   I know all this is happening for a reason.  He isn't done with me yet and I have to deal with the not knowing what to do, or feel or blah blah confused blah.

So there is that.

I'm a hot mess covered in confusion and emotional vomit and know you all know about it.


The Howell's said...

Must be so hard on you guys! Have you thought about leasing your house?

Kelli said...

Whew...doesn't it feel good to get that out?!?! I can only imagine what a change it is to have Gary all day everyday to more sporadic. I'll be praying for you.

Elaine said...

Hang in there!!!'. During busy tax season I feel your pain, plus you have the house selling blues-so hard!! Prayers for peace and answers in your heart!

Emily said...

We went through the same thing last spring. We waited it out as long as we could. We finally decided to rent our house out and so far, so good! In the end, do what is best for your family and what makes you happy. Houses just aren't selling right now:(

Traci said...

Just hang in there & keep praying. Y'all will figure something out.

Jumping Jack said...

Thinking about y'all! Rent that bad boy and get to Ohio!! My house has been rented for almost 3 years with no problems!

Jumping Jack said...

Thinking about y'all! Rent that bad boy and get to Ohio!! My house has been rented for almost 3 years with no problems!